Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My bed smells like the plague
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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