I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
