I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
