I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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