If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
