Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
