Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
