2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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