genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
