i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
