My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
