I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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