Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
