you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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