dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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