Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We are two peas in an std pod
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
