I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
