why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
