Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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