I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
