five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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