Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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