Tell her she can't have a vagina
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
