I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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