If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish you could order shots online.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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