i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
