I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize