My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Randomize
