come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
