i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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