I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
