my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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