Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
