dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
