Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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