haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
