So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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