I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
