I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They are going to name an STD after you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
