Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am naked and annoyed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
