It's like God shit irony all over that family
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
