I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
