I cannot find my penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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