I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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