Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
