Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
