There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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