he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
