it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
