who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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