no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
