u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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