I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
