All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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