i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
