they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
