dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
