I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
