Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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