Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
