Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
