worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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