Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
birth control should be required to get into college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
