Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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