I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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