So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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