You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
